The Ideal Man

I never told anyone this but before I started university I many a time found myself day dreaming about how my (boyfriend) relationship will start off.

There I would be sitting in the library, studying. Someone will approach me, ask if the seat opposite me is taken, I answer with a 'no', he sits down, we start talking and a friendship blossoms. We eventually become closer to each other cuz everytime I'm at the library I see him there #nerd So studying becomes revision dates instead. Yadda yadda. I hallucinate WTH. Oh, did I mention he's a Wang Lee Hom lookalike.

Of course none of this came true. Firstly, I never went to the library when I was in my first year. I only started having library sessions with my friends in my second year cuz I eventually ran out of excuses for not joining them #going_to_the_library_for_the_wrong_reasons Most of the time we ended up playing cards wth.

Secondly, I already had a boyfriend when I started going to the library and heck no we didn't meet there. Also, I'm too good to cheat on him.

Thirdly, no one wanted to sit with me wth.

I don't know where I'm going with this entry but I suppose what I'm trying to say is, not everything goes according to plan. Once in a while, the road not taken needs to be taken (not sure if it applies here but whatever it makes me sound poetic and smart). And all I can tell you right now is that I'm happy with the choice I made 2 years ago although the circumstances then were different. 

*end*

Cuz I don't want to reveal too much HAHAHA. Anyway you now know my secret dream of 4 years #forever_no_face

P.S: I'm dedicating this entry to B cuz I'm the awesomest girlfriend that ever walked on the surface of this earth and I thought of doing something different that isn't so conventional. What can I say, Librans are born romantic.


*wishes self* May we have many, many happy days ahead of us and fewer cold wars (UK is cold as it is already). And by fewer cold wars I mean YOU SHOULD GIVE IN TO ME MORE OFTEN #TheWomanBrain

Anyway, happy 2 year anniversary. 

<3 

The One Thing I Can't Make B Do

Is watch a horror movie with me.

You bet I tried all sorts of methods to get to him to watch. I called him a 'chicken' and his reply was 'I'd rather be a chicken than watch a horror movie.' Where got people like that one? I rolled on the floor shedding tears also kena ignored. He'll just step across the spinning mass on the ground to reach for the remote control. Walaoeh. Heartless can. Basically all my efforts went down the drain. HE JUST WON'T WATCH wth.

I don't know why I love watching horror films so much cuz they actually scare me shitless. Then after watching, I one week never bang sai lo cuz no more shit (shitless already ma). Most of the time I cover my face with a pillow and stuff my ears with cotton wool so that I neither see the ghost nor hear the scary background sounds but sometimes tak sempat. You know la, the ghost always comes out when you least expect it.

So I'll be left traumatised and regret not listening to B in the first place cuz my mind will start playing tricks on me #hallucination especially when it's raining heavily and the wind is howling outside my window AT NIGHT. It's the perfect day for a crime since all the tracks will be washed away by the rain. I usually end up sleeping with the lights on. And I avoid looking at mirrors cuz I expect to find a masked man staring back at me, holding a bloody knife WTH. 


After a while however I forget about the experience and go back to persuading/ pestering/ annoying him. Muahahaha. Sometimes I do feel bad about bullying him. But when I feel bad I stop being bad and become awesome instead- adapted from Barney Stinson. (I still haven't got my way so you don't have to sympathise with him ok)


In any case, I'm currently devising an evil mastermind plan to get him to watch a horror movie with me. Wish me luck!

Battle of the Voices

A recent research shows that women feel happy when their husband/ partner is upset. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP. If you don't believe me, you can read the article here.

Personally I find this is kinda true. Seeing B get angry brings me joy wth. And 99% of the time I act as the instigator (I admit). Before you go away judging me as a new species of monster, hear me out. I come from Venus anyway so you don't have to bother trying to understand what goes on inside my pea-sized brain. Heck sometimes even I don't understand myself.

How the quarrel starts:

I show B a picture of a girl I deem pretty.

*shoves girl's picture in B's face* "Do you think she's pretty?"

"No."

"Why? I think she's pretty though."

"Hmm. She's ok looking I guess. Just a nice nose lor."

"So you do think she's pretty."

"No."

"But you said she has a nice nose. If a girl has a nice nose, it means that she's pretty. You think she's prettier than me!"

*starts to get a little angry* "....."

*starts to get a little happy* "You do think she's pretty. Come on.... admit it."

"So what if she's pretty?"

*starts to get angry now* "Ha! You finally admitted that she's pretty."

"......"

"......"

*angry at each other*

When everything cools down, we have a laugh about it.

"Why do you always do this to me?"

"I'm training you to be more patient. Obviously you lack patience cuz you get angry so easily. Pfft." *does a drama queen eye rolling action*

And then we start Battle of the Voices Round 2. It's a never ending cycle.

I think it's cute wth. But then again, I'm delusional. Oh well.

How To Pick A Fight With Your Significant Other

Over highlighters wth.

You know la, I'm the queen of making something out of nothing I'm beginning to think that I'm actually a real magician. Man, was I adamant in believing that magic was not just an illusion when I was younger. Seeing is not always believing.

How to start a quarrel:

Sceranio 1 (Applies especially well if you're in a long distance relationship)

When B says that he needs new highlighters, you interrogate him kao kao like a criminal:

"Why do you need them?"

"Mine has run out of ink."

"Why must you buy so many then? Just buy one." (note the s in highlighters)

"Cuz I need at least 3."

"Why 3? You only have two hands and it's not like you use both of them at once.

"....."

*feels a little mean so tries to patch things up* "You can have my highlighters. I insist. I've got so many I don't know what to do with them. Pink, purple, yellow, blue...."

"But I need them tomorrow."

"Can't you wait?"

"No."

"Why not?"

*lazy layan me already*

*sulks*

Scenario 2 (Applies well for short distance relationships)

When both parties are using a different colour each (B's using blue and I'm using pink) Go ahead and suggest exchanging colours:

"Let's exchange colours. I want to use blue now."

"I don't want to use pink."

"Why not? Pink is nice and it's not a girly colour." *accuse him of being sexist* "I insist on using blue. Give me the blue highlighter!"

"I don't want."

"But I want."

"....."

*Snatches highlighter away*

Scenario 3

Draw on his face with different colours when he's sleeping.

Scenario 4

Show him a bo song face and break his highlighters in half.

Scenario 5

Hide all his highlighters so he can't find them.

Scenario 6

Change the inside/ 'heart' of the highlighters so they become different colours.

Scenario 7

Place the nips of two different highlighters together so they become one horrible, disgusting colour.

Scenario 8

Hit the highlighter hard on the nip so that it goes in and becomes flat.

OK I should stop now before you people think I'm evil beyond imagination.

Disclaimer: Do not attempt this at home as it may result in people getting hurt (What? A highlighter can also double as a weapon. They're kind of hard.) Anyway I do it just for fun wth. Plus I've mastered the art of temper controlling so I know when to stop myself before the temperature reaches a gazillion and one degrees. I MAKE A VERY BAD COUPLES' THERAPIST SO DON'T CONSULT ME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVEN IF I WERE THE LAST PERSON LIVING ON EARTH.